Sex embarrasses me. Well, talking about it does and I’m not sure if that is healthy or not, but at least I am now able to admit it! As a self-confessed prude, this article and topic is tough for me to blog about, but as a health professional, I know that it is also an important one to address. Over a decade of personal training has allowed me a sneak peek into the lives of hundreds of people; a common theme slides in to conversation from both men and women. Their sex life.
I have heard from many about almost everything from their healthy sex lives (well, healthy until a muscle pulled or joint is injured is pulled and we have to rehabilitate the sprain), to mediocre sex lives, and completely non-existent sex lives (it ain’t easy, let me tell you!).
From a kinesiologist’s perspective, the benefits of a healthy sex life are many. From increased wellbeing, fitness and blood flow, to connection, creativity and calmness (read more about how you can exercise your way to a better sex life here). I decided to take a slightly less linear and scientific researched based approach on the topic of sex, by enlisting the help of Allison Braun, Bedroom Joyologist, to help me, help YOU get the sexy back into your life (for strictly health reasons, of course!).
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Le Physique: Allison, thank you for joining me today as our guest expert on the topic of sex!
Allison: Thanks for having me, I’m really excited to talk about sex with you!
LP: Firstly, for anyone that wants to poo-poo the notion that a sex life is not an important aspect of health (and maybe that this blog has no place in a personal training setting).
How does not having sex negatively impact someone’s life?
Allison: Sex is pleasure. If you are denying yourself sexual pleasure, what other areas of life are you denying it? Sex also has a lot to do with intimacy and love – self-love most importantly. If you can’t feel comfortable loving yourself and giving yourself pleasure there is a lot missing. For emotional, spiritual and physical (chemistry) reasons this can lead to stress, anxiety, tension, illness, sadness and depression, amongst other things.
Over the last few years I have chatted with several women who have not had sex in years. I can often see that I mile away. They are often tense, uptight, and have a tendency to be more negative. I believe the same goes for men. Confidence and creativity are very tied to our sexuality as well. Depending on the reasons and the length of time, an absent sex life can have serious side effects. Lack of joy, connection and pleasure are just some of the things that can be missing for someone who is not having sex at all.
LP: For people involved in relationships, this can be really hard to deal with, can’t it?
Allison: Most definitely. It can lead to feelings of isolation, disconnect, (self) blame and frustration. Then what happens? It’s a vicious circle where the relationship and the two people involved suffer. It’s extremely important for people to communicate with each other (or with someone they trust and will be fully supported by) but it’s not always easy to open up those lines.
LP: What about people that don’t have partners?
Allison: First I want to clarify that my definition of sex includes self-pleasuring in addition to love making with another. This is an important piece of the puzzle that many people don’t realize.
LP: I’ve definitely seen what you have described in my life at times! I thought it was just lack of coffee. You must have always been comfortable with the topic of sex which is why you can talk about it so freely now.
Allison: Actually, no. I came from a strict religious upbringing and had struggled with suppressed sexuality for years. It was when I discovered that opening up about my relationship with myself and sex, that I experienced life-shifting events that have made my life so joyful (hence, the Bedroom Joyologist). It’s because I walked that walk, that I am able to utilize my past experiences, intuition, and extensive background in holistic health and coaching to have people feeling more connection, passion and playfulness than ever before!
LP: That’s amazing, thank you for sharing that with me. As a health professional and personal trainer, I’m always promoting things like proper nutrition, sleep patterns, introspection etc. Can you tell me
How sex contributes to someone’s health and well-being?
Allison: Imagine someone who just had amazing, soul-satisfying sex with themselves or a partner. Imagine their glow, their smile, their grounded calm and peacefulness. Now imagine someone who hasn’t had sex in a year. There is no glow, it’s almost like there is a cloud or an extra weight on them.
Sex strengthens self-esteem, confidence, a bond between couples, positive thinking and energy, it reduces stress, burns calories (and tones those glutes and many other muscles depending on how creative you are getting), boosts immunity, alleviates pain, and I believe for many reasons improves our heart health. As mentioned before, our sexual energy is also connected to our creativity – often if we are having regular, great sex then we are more inspired and connected.
The benefits are bountiful and oh so worth it. It’s about good quality sex and good quality connection.
LP: Sounds good to me – sign me up! Thank you, Allison for helping me talk about sex! Now where is that nearest Chapters? We ARE going pole dancing this week….
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Allison’s top 5 tips to get SEXY TIME back into your life
1. Make a decision that you are going to make it a priority. No excuses. All you need is you.
2. Half-assed efforts make half-assed results. Do things that will set you up for success – do things that make you feel good. Think thoughts that make you feel good. Wear things that make you feel good, eat things that make you feel good. This will help you feel much more motivated and as just a little bonus will make life much more fun and vibrant. Good sleep and exercise help big time too!
3. Get turned-on. Be a “yes.” Once you decide you are a yes, that you will get turned on, then you can just go for it!
4. Set aside some “you” time to explore and see what feels good (and what doesn’t feel good) to you. The more clarity you have the better. The more you seek to give yourself pleasure the more pleasure you will experience.
5. Spend time with others that are emulating the experience you want to have. It’s funny to use in this sense because it is usually a concept that is used more so for business success, but it equally applies for healthy relationships – with ourselves and others and of course with our sex.
Here’s a bonus for you: find some good erotica, do kegels, flirt, dance and move your hips.
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For more information on a topic that makes me blush, please visit Allison at The Bedroom Joyologist – “Empowering Women To Get Their Sexy On (In and Out of the Bedroom)!”
Allison Braun , aka The Bedroom Joyologist , helps women (often with a religious background or who have been living for others approval) let go of guilt and sexual suppression so they can experience the deep, soul-satisfying connection they desire with themselves and a partner – in and out of the bedroom.
Through her Sex Fully Expressed Private Coaching Program as well as group programs she empowers women to get their sexy on and feel like they are living their best life – for themselves instead of everyone else. Get your (free) copy of the Women’s Guide to Soul Satisfying {Guilt-Free} Sex at allisonbraun.com
